Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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