**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
did i just pee glitter
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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