Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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