Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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