Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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