hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
