we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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