I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
