Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
