It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
