community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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