my vag is so smooth its legendary
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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