there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
