Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
