I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize