i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
