just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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