I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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