Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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