I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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