I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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