Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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