You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
