I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
