I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
