Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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