FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
