Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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