i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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