her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
