She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
