Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
