Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
