Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
