Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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