Plan B is the new Plan A
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
