I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
