Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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