so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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