Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
