Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
