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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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