Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My dick has a subreddit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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