taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize