Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
