After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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