yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
