Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
