You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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