just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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