No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think I sprained my soul last night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
