I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
