watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
