is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
