it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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