I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
