You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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