Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
