I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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