I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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