Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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