There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
