I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
