My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
