Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
