OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
