He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
