Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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