my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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