Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
