Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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