youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
