Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
